so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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