Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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