Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
