he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
