I wanna bring you to show and tell
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize