How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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