weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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