I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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