How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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