Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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