If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
