I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
