i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
