I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
