I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
