i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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