11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
