sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
