he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
