he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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