i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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