Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
