I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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