I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
