Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
