Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
