Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
no, he came in my armpit
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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