My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
