i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
