I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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