I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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