It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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