We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
