we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
