I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
