Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
