is your mom at the bar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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