Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
