ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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