Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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