did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
