Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
