Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
