it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
