nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
