so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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