My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
