One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
