Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
