You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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