Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
