just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
