3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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