Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
