the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
