I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
