Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
