I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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