she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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