But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
