i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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