woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
