Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
