He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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