I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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