i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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